How Your Relationship With “Tiredness” Quietly Changes Once You Start Living Seriously


—

After becoming severely disabled in midlife, I started facing “fatigue” far more directly than before.

I get exhausted just by going out a little.
Even sitting at a computer and writing drains my energy.
Working long hours the way I used to is no longer realistic.

So almost without thinking, I found myself saying:

> “I’m tired…”



over and over.

But one night, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, a strange thought crossed my mind.

> “Wait… is this really true fatigue?”



My body was clearly heavy.
But somewhere inside, it felt like there was still a little unused energy left,
like a tiny fragment of strength still sitting there.

In that moment, a hypothesis appeared:

> “Maybe a lot of the times I say ‘I’m tired’ in daily life,
I’m not actually talking about real fatigue.”



From there I began slowly unpacking:

What is this “feeling of fatigue”?

What is true fatigue?

And how is it connected to “living seriously”?


I decided to take those questions apart and think them through one by one.


—

1｜Why Do We Say “I’m Tired” So Often?

How many times a day do you say, “I’m tired”?

In the morning: “I’m sleepy, I feel heavy, I’m tired.”
After work: “I’m tired from today too.”
On your day off: “I didn’t do anything, but somehow I’m tired.”

Is all of that really coming from your physical limits?

After becoming severely disabled, I started to notice that

the state where my body is truly exhausted to its limit

and the state where my mind just feels tired


have completely different textures.

The first one has a kind of quiet freshness.
The second one has a sticky emptiness.

As I tried to put that difference into words,
I gradually realized that “fatigue” and “the feeling of fatigue”
are similar—but not the same.


—

2｜The Feeling of Fatigue and True Fatigue Are Completely Different Things

First, let’s break down the words we casually use:

“I’m tired.”
“I feel exhausted.”

What exactly is inside those phrases?

2-1. Physical Fatigue: When Muscles and Nerves Are Honestly Used Up

The easiest to imagine is the tiredness after exercise.

Standing and working all day

Walking or running for a long time

Doing physical labor you’re not used to, and ending up sore everywhere


In this kind of tiredness, there’s a clear sense of acceptance.

> “Yeah, I really moved a lot today.”
“I actually used my body properly.”



Your body is heavy, but your mind is somewhat refreshed.
This is exactly what we can call true physical fatigue.

2-2. Mental Drain: Invisible Consumption from Stress and Anxiety

On the other hand, there are days like these:

You barely moved your body, yet you feel strangely drained

After a long meeting or social gathering, you suddenly crash

Spending time with someone you’re not comfortable with leaves you unable to do anything afterwards


In this case, what’s tired is not your muscles,
but your brain and nervous system.

Keeping your guard up the whole time

Constantly reading the room

Pressuring yourself with “I must not fail”


These things can exhaust you more effectively than carrying heavy boxes.

2-3. Deep-Level Wear and Tear: Tiredness from “I Don’t Really Want to Be Doing This”

Then there’s an even deeper kind of fatigue:

Continuing a job you secretly don’t want to do

Pretending to be a “good person” and acting against your true self

Spending most of your day on tasks that feel meaningless to you


In this situation, what’s getting worn down is not just your body or brain,
but your sense of self.

> “Is it really okay to keep living like this?”



When you keep dodging that question,
your heart slowly erodes.

This isn’t about “working too much” or “not sleeping enough.”
You could call it fatigue at the level of your life itself.


—

3｜The True Nature of “Feeling Tired” Might Be a Mismatch in the Direction of Your Energy

When I was in a rehabilitation hospital,
I lived every day in an intense fog of exhaustion.

Walking practice

Exercises to move my arms and legs

Training to regain my speech


Each thing looks simple on paper, but
facing the reality of “something I could do yesterday, I can’t do today”
is a brutal psychological burden.

Even so, at the end of some days,
lying in bed and looking up at the ceiling,
I sometimes felt:

> “Today’s tiredness… isn’t bad.”



My body was wrecked, my brain was used to the limit.
Yet somewhere in my heart, there was a quiet sense of satisfaction.

If I try to put that into words, it was:

> “My energy today was used
in a direction I actually wanted it to go.”




—

Later, when I returned to society and started working again,
there was a period when I barely moved my body at all,
yet I felt an abnormal level of tiredness.

Meetings I couldn’t find meaning in

Superficial small talk

Creating documents when I didn’t really know who they were for


On those nights, I would often mumble:

> “I didn’t really do anything today, but I’m so tired…”



The energy truly being used then wasn’t:

my muscles

or my brain


It was energy spent on twisting my true feelings.

> I was spending a huge amount of power
to suppress the voice inside that said
“I don’t actually want to be doing this.”



From that experience, I began to think:

A large part of the “feeling tired” we experience is actually

> heat generated by friction
from a mismatch in the direction of our energy.



A gap between where we want to direct our energy, and where it’s actually going

A gap between our honest feelings and our outward behavior

A gap between “who I want to be” and “what I am actually doing”


The bigger those gaps are,
the more our sense of fatigue swells up—
regardless of how much we physically moved.


—

4｜Why Do We Feel More Tired When We’re Not Living Seriously?

Let me ask a slightly sharp question.

> Isn’t it true that the times you’re not living seriously
actually feel the most exhausting?



Imagine a day like this:

You look at your phone first thing in the morning

You sort of work, but your heart isn’t in it

Time passes while you’re half-distracted, scrolling social media

The day ends without a sense of having done anything

At night you sigh, “I’m tired again…”


Physically, you barely did anything.
Yet your mind is completely worn out.

What’s been consumed here is not your action itself,
but something else.

4-1. “Half-Serious” Is the Most Exhausting State of All

In sports, people say:

Running with bad form is the quickest way to get tired

If you don’t know how to relax and use too much muscle, you burn out faster


I think the same is true for life.

You haven’t fully committed to doing it

But you haven’t fully decided to quit either


This “in-between” state
wastes a huge amount of energy.

Inside your mind, a constant dialogue repeats:

> “Is this really okay?”
“Should I stop?”
“But I don’t have the courage to change anything…”



This silent inner dialogue
drains an unbelievable amount of energy.

In other words:

> We’re often more exhausted by
not deciding,
not committing,
and putting things off,
than by actually doing the thing.



That’s why “half-serious”
can be more tiring than going all in.

4-2. Watching Yourself Not Be Serious Is Its Own Kind of Heavy Labor

There’s another important point.

> The person who knows best
that you’re not giving your all
is you.



You know you could do more, but you’re not doing it

You know you’re cutting corners, even if you don’t admit it out loud

You say “I want to change,” but you’re not really changing anything


That self-awareness sits quietly in your chest.

And,

> Watching yourself not be serious



is actually a heavy labor of its own.

People tell you, “You’re working hard”

But you know, “No, I’m still holding back”


The bigger that gap,
the heavier your fatigue feels.

So when you’re strangely exhausted
even though your schedule isn’t that busy,
it might not be the amount of work that’s tiring you.

It might be

> the amount of inner contradiction you’re carrying.




—

5｜How Does the Quality of Fatigue Change When You Start Living Seriously?

Now, we finally arrive at the phrase “living seriously.”

But the “living seriously” I’m talking about here
is not the usual macho slogan version.

> “Can you fight 24 hours a day?”
“Give up weekends and keep improving yourself!”



That’s not what I mean at all.

It’s something quieter,
more grounded in everyday life.

5-1. As a Severely Disabled Person, I’ve Learned There Are “Good” and “Bad” Kinds of Tired

Since becoming disabled,
I’m acutely aware that the amount of energy I can use in a day
is far less than before.

Even so, it’s strange:

On days when I finish writing something I really wanted to write

On days when I listen deeply to someone’s serious story

On days when I act in line with my own values


the fatigue I feel at night
is heavy physically—
but feels good.

On the other hand:

On days I accept requests I didn’t want to take, just because I couldn’t say no

On days I force myself to smile and play the “good person”

On days I waste my time just scrolling social media


the fatigue I feel
doesn’t go away easily, no matter how much I rest.

That’s when I realized:

> Living seriously doesn’t mean being less tired.
It means gradually shifting toward
only the kinds of tiredness you’re willing to accept.



5-2. Living Seriously Is Actually a Form of “Energy Saving”

When people hear “live seriously,”
many imagine “always running at full speed.”

In reality, it’s often the opposite.

You reduce the kinds of tiredness that don’t matter to you

You spend less energy pleasing people you don’t really care about

You slowly let go of obligations you’ve been stuck in out of habit or guilt


The energy saved this way
can then be reinvested into:

> “What you truly care about.”



That’s not flashy,
but it’s a very effective form of life cost-cutting.

You reduce “pointless fatigue,”

and focus on “chosen fatigue.”


Shifting in that direction
may be what “living seriously” really means.


—

6｜Three Questions to Tell True Fatigue from “Protective” Tiredness

So in practice,
how can you tell whether the tiredness you feel right now is:

true, necessary fatigue, or

a kind of defensive “I’m tired” that hides something else?


Here are three simple questions I personally use every day.

Question 1: “What Did I Spend My Energy On Today?”

At the end of the day, ask yourself:

> “What did I actually spend my energy on today?”



Take a piece of paper or your phone,
and make a simple list:

Work: emails, meetings, document preparation

Housework: laundry, cooking, cleaning

Relationships: listening to complaints, managing someone’s mood

Information: news, social media, videos


Once you look over the list, you may notice:

“Oh, I didn’t move my body much, but I spent all day managing emotions.”

“There was almost nothing I did for myself.”


At that moment, you can finally see:

> “Ah, today’s tiredness wasn’t ‘for me’ at all.”



Question 2: “Would I Want to Feel This Same Tiredness Again Tomorrow?”

Next, ask:

> “Would I want to be tired in the exact same way again tomorrow?”



If your answer is closer to YES, that tiredness is closer to “chosen fatigue.”

If your answer is clearly NO, it’s closer to “tiredness caused by misalignment.”


Of course, work and housework often include things
you don’t exactly want to do but still need to.

Even so, if you imagine:

> “If I keep being tired in this same way for another year,
what kind of person will I become?”



and that thought makes you uneasy,
then that tiredness is worth re-examining.

Question 3: “Is There a Hidden Emotion Behind This Tiredness?”

Finally, ask yourself:

> “Is there some other emotion hiding behind this tiredness?”



For example:

Maybe you’re actually angry

Maybe you’re really sad

Maybe you’re deeply anxious

Maybe you’re simply terrified


When facing those emotions head-on feels scary,
we often escape into the word:

> “I’m tired.”



By telling ourselves:

> “I’m tired, so I’ll stop thinking for today.”



we dodge the feelings we actually need to face.

After my brain hemorrhage, I often thought:

> “What’s going to happen to me now?”
“Maybe I’ll never be able to work like before.”



But instead of confronting that fear,
I just kept saying “I’m tired” and went to sleep.

Now I think those “I’m tired” moments were less about physical limits,
and more about using the word “tired”
to cover up emotional overload.


—

7｜Living Seriously Means Rewriting Your “Contract” with Tiredness

Now we can finally rephrase “living seriously” more precisely:

> Living seriously means
choosing, by your own will,
what kind of tiredness you’re willing to accept.



Instead of accepting a role someone else gave you
and passively following along,

you quietly ask:

What kind of tiredness do I want to end my day with?

What kinds of fatigue would I be okay looking back on at the end of my life and saying, “That was worth it”?


7-1. Sorting “Fatigue I’ll Accept” and “Fatigue I Want to Let Go”

When I looked at my own life,
I tried to sort my tiredness like this:

Fatigue I want to accept

Tiredness from writing honestly

Tiredness from truly listening to someone’s sincere story

Tiredness from taking on challenges that match my values


Fatigue I want to let go

Tiredness from pretending to be someone I’m not

Tiredness from being a “good person” just to be liked

Tiredness from continuing a job I don’t want “because I have no choice”



Real life doesn’t allow a perfectly clean separation.
But simply having the perspective of:

> “What kind of tiredness do I want to choose?”



starts to shift your daily decisions.

7-2. Living Seriously Is Not the Same as Abusing Yourself

It’s very important to emphasize this:

> Living seriously
is not the same as overworking or abusing yourself.



In fact, people who live seriously are often:

good at resting

careful not to push beyond their limits

thinking in terms of the long game


Why?

Because they know:

> “To show up fully in the moments that matter,
I can’t afford to waste energy on things that don’t.”



Living seriously is a quiet strategy:

> “To give 100% when it truly matters,
I’ll only give 30% in areas that don’t.”



That’s all.


—

8｜When You Don’t Have the Strength to Be Serious—A Tiny First Step

After all this, some people might be thinking:

> “I understand what you’re saying,
but I honestly don’t have the strength to ‘live seriously’ right now.”



You’ve already tried hard enough

Your mind and body are close to their limits

The last thing you want is another motivational slogan


Telling someone in that state, “Come on, live seriously!”
is just cruelty.

So from here on, this part is for those who:

> “Are tired even of hearing the word ‘serious.’”



8-1. “Living Seriously” Can Be a Quiet, Small Decision

First, I want to say this clearly:

> Living seriously
doesn’t mean charging forward with bloodshot eyes.



You don’t need big heroic moves.

You can start with something as small as:

Spend just 5 minutes on something you truly want to do

Read a book you truly care about for just 10 minutes

Write one message you’ve truly wanted to send


That alone is enough to start a “serious” life.

Because it creates one simple fact:

> “Today, I did at least one thing
that I chose for myself.”



That starts to slightly shift
the way you see yourself.

> “Even when I’m exhausted,
I’m not someone who can’t do anything.”



Just regaining that feeling a little
can change the color of the world.

8-2. If “Living Seriously” Feels Like a Burden, You’re Allowed to Put the Phrase Down

There’s one more thing I really want to say:

> If the phrase “live seriously”
feels like a knife at your throat,
you’re allowed to put it down for now.



When just getting through tomorrow feels like a miracle

When just breathing today is already hard work

When you have absolutely no spare capacity to think about the future


What you need then is not:

> “Live more seriously.”



but something closer to:

> “You’ve already lived seriously enough,
just by making it to today.”



Then,
if a little space opens up in your heart someday,
just a little, you can ask:

> “Okay… then what kind of tiredness
would feel slightly better tomorrow than today?”



That tiny question is enough.

That is all you need to start shifting
from a life ruled by fatigue
to a life where you choose
how you’re willing to be tired.


—

9｜The Feeling of Fatigue Is a Quiet Signal About How You’re Living

Let me wrap this up into one message.

When we say:

> “I’m tired…”



inside that phrase are:

true physical fatigue

mental exhaustion from stress

deep erosion of our values and sense of self

and sometimes, emotions we don’t want to face


All jumbled together.

A lot of what we call “tired”
may not actually be true fatigue.

Instead, it might be:

> a quiet signal saying,
“Something about the way you’re living
doesn’t quite match who you really are.”



So from time to time, try asking yourself:

What did I really spend my energy on today?

Would I want to experience this same kind of tiredness again tomorrow?

Is there an emotion hiding behind this tiredness that I haven’t named yet?


And then, just before you sleep,
if you can, ask yourself gently:

> “What kind of tiredness
do I want to choose for myself tomorrow?”



That small question, repeated quietly,
is enough to begin shifting your life:

from a life overwhelmed by a vague sense of fatigue,
to a life where you deliberately choose
only the tiredness you’re willing to accept.

The tiredness you feel today—
is it a sign that you need to stop pushing,
or a sign that your way of living is a little misaligned?

The only person who can kindly tell the difference
is you.

And that, I think,
is where “living seriously” actually begins.